yes and amen – pt 1

“And all His promises are yes and amen.”

Fear. It’s one of the monsters I have had to fight in my own life. I always thought I wasn’t afraid of anything but the dark. But as I grew older I’ve realized that I wasn’t afraid of the darkness itself, but the unknown within it. Now, I have reached a point in my life when I have had my own battles with real-life darkness.  I have had to battle my own fear of the unknown and let me tell you: it isn’t pretty.  It’s ugly and it hurts. I’ve lived most of life very much like The Flash: running from the things I was afraid of.  One of those things was pain. But fear is a nasty task master. It’s like a horse driver that will literally run you into the ground. It nearly has me. It ran my relationships, friendships, and most other ships aground.

And running didn’t really help. Sure I may have avoided some pain, but I also avoided a lot of love and quality relationships because I was afraid. Some of the fear that I wrestled with was fear of what people thought of me. That one didn’t just drive me, it dug its spurs in and shouted in my ear. It shaped me into something that I barely recognized. Sure, sometimes it actually helped me, but I’m pretty sure that was God despite my fear.  Fear of people disapproving of my life put a TON of undue pressure on my relationships and even my schoolwork.  I gradually began to lose sight of who I was and then completely forgot.

But recently Jesus decided I’d had enough. I got the chance to look in a mirror and realized I didn’t recognize the woman I saw.

And then Jesus began to rip away the molds that I had shoved myself in. It was and still is terribly painful. But in the process I had to face my fears. And believe me, it isn’t fun. It isn’t glamourous. It doesn’t reap immediate dividends. It honestly is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. To trust. I hadn’t realized just how much fear had controlled me. I realize this is going to be a long journey and my Lord knows it’s not going to be easy.  But standing up on my own two feet in the hands of Jesus has been one of the most relieving things I’ve ever done. There’s a moment when each of us have to choose between allowing fear to make a decision for us, or to trust and take the leap. Heaven knows that I’ve resisted jumping more times than I think I can ever realize. But the times when I’ve resisted my own fear and fell into Jesus’ hands I have never, ever regretted.

And honestly, most things in life are a journey. Soon as I think I’ve jumped and landed safely, there’s another jump I need to take. But that’s the beauty of it. Sooner or later, maybe I’ll learn to fly. And guess what: fear can’t fly. It’s stuck on the ground.

I don’t know where you are in your life, but I can tell you this. You don’t have to live in fear of really anything. Be authentic. Take Jesus’ hand and jump.

Then you can tell Satan and his taskmaster, Fear, to go to hell.

2 thoughts on “yes and amen – pt 1

  1. This line touched me the most: “there’s a moment when each of us have to choose between allowing fear to make a decision for us, or to trust and take the leap.”

    This is so ridiculously true, it’s unreal. I also liked what you said about reaping immediate dividends. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that. I sometimes fall into the fallacy that change as a result of better choices is a more of a quick transaction instead of the seed that it really is and that I need to wait for that seed to develop into a harvest-able plant.

    Liked by 1 person

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